I know I haven’t posted in a while. I don’t think it’s because of my grandmother’s passing. It might just be that I feel I don’t have anything insightful or momentous to write about or I’m just being lazy.
I know I’ll be doing a business update pretty soon. Quite a bit has changed and things are definitely moving forward. Is it moving as exactly I have planned? Yes and no. It makes me think of the verse:
Proverbs 16:9 – “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.”
My plans are definitely moving towards the goals I have set, but how I’m getting there hasn’t been planned. All those steps I’m leaving in the hands of God even though it feels hard to do. I’m always in a rush for things to happen and when they don’t happen fast or how I expect get impatient.
However, I know this is a new season.
Isaiah 43:19 – “Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”
Change IS Coming
It feels like a lot of things are changing. The world has been changing but also the circumstances for many of my close friends which indirectly affect me.
My buddy Jamison is moving back to San Antonio after moving to San Diego to attend Impact195. His season has ended in San Diego and he’s moving back. It’s amazing that in six short years, his entire life has changed. He left San Antonio single and starting a new journey digging deeper into his faith and learning to let go the comforts he’s used to, trusting God on the journey. He’s now leaving San Diego with a wife, two amazing kids, a new job that he thrives in, and a new house in Boerne, San Antonio.
My best friend, Jeff, looks like he’ll be joining the Navy Chaplaincy soon and moving away by the end of the year. It’s been an incredibly challenging season for him and his wife Sarah. It was hard for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel for them, but I knew that God was doing something in their life. A preparation season for a new season. I believe that the season of suffering is ending and a new season of fruitfulness is beginning. He gets to go back into the military as he’s been wanting to do and his wife started a company that she’s been thinking about for several years.
My other friend Rick is moving away from San Diego and is headed towards Florida.
There was a point where I felt I’d want to move back to San Diego. With so many of my close friends leaving, I don’t feel a sense of home there anymore. It would feel empty and a bit too sad to feel comfortable living there. I think my time there is over.
Things definitely feel like a closing of a chapter and a beginning of a new one. The only challenge is I’m not sure what that new chapter is going to look like…
Neverland
I have this uneasy feeling (mixed with a bit of sadness and fore longing) for a place called home, but I also don’t know if I can settle down in one area…Maybe home isn’t a physical place… maybe it’s with a person you can call home (corny much? But maybe true).
I don’t think I’ve ever felt liked I’ve truly belonged somewhere. A place where I could say these are my people and this is where I belong…This is where I WANT to belong.
I feel like I’m always chasing something, never wanting to mentally settle down. Every place I’ve lived, I’ve treated it as temporary. It’s part of the reason I’ve never made a place fully livable. Things were messy and on purpose. I didn’t want to spend too much time decorating and organizing a space because it felt too permanent. I feel like I’d be giving up a bit, settling might be the better word.
Is it the right mentality to have? I’m not sure. It’s just what it is currently.
A New Season
I feel like I’ve been in a new season…I’ve been increasingly blessed in the areas of business. I’m starting to see things take shape and pan out how I was hoping, and yet there are aspects that are still feeling slow. However, I’m learning to trust and relax in the process, letting go the anxiousness of not knowing how things will truly go.
There are areas where there is a longing. I want the freedom to travel again. I’ve been dreaming of getting an RV (again) and traveling through the US. I think it would be a good time to refresh myself and dream/ponder again. I feel like I’ve been in execution mode for the past 1.5 years that I haven’t been able to do the things I love, like reading and thinking.
I’ve also been mulling around the idea of moving out of California. I’d like to find a place that I can call home and start a family. I think I’m getting much closer to wanting to settle down. I think once finances are in a better place, I’ll be able to think about relationships more.
Speaking of finances, I think that’s what I want to drastically change. The Yellowstone project is finally at a place that I’m taking my hands off the wheel more and more. I’m now able to focus more on my online endeavors. It’s been a great feeling. I’ll do a business update soon. A lot has changed.
To be Continued…
This is where I end the post. It’s getting a bit late. I wanted to just write down my thoughts. I’ve been feeling this mental haziness that I haven’t been able to lift. I felt like writing would help. It definitely did. In my next post, I’ll be sure to write an update on Yellowstone, Unwage, and Bitcoin.