Wow! What a year 2021 was. So many ups and downs. Unexpected outcomes. Joy, elation, sadness, disappointment, and ultimately wisdom gained all wrapped up in one personally historic year. I would be lying if I didn’t say I hoped the outcome would have been better, but we made it to the end of 2021 in one piece and good things happened. Let’s unpack some of the pivotal moments, reflect on the emotions this year, and hopes for 2022.
Saying 2020 was tumultuous would be an understatement. It was unprecedented and just so chaotic. I think in 2021, things were still chaotic, but chaos almost became the new norm and we adapted to it or maybe we normalized it. Whatever the case may be, 2021 was learning how to adapt and continue to grow.
New Years
I didn’t do much for New Year except come back to my mom’s place so that she wouldn’t be alone for New Year. I didn’t even make it to the count down. I ended up taking some Nyquil and knocking out around 10 pm. On New Year, we ended up going to Newport Seafood in Rosemead with my uncle, aunt, and cousin.
Afterward, we went home and I put the front lip on my daily car, did some errands around the house, and just relaxed. I was planning to go to San Marcos Lakehouse but I figured I’d go the next day so that I could spend time with my mom. I usually take a couple of days out at the beginning of the year to reflect on the previous year and think about the upcoming one.
San Marcos Lakehouse
I’m currently at the San Marcos Lakehouse. I’ve been here before and I’m golfing at Madera’s Golf Course with some San Diego buddies tomorrow. It’s a good time to relax and reflect while getting in some tee time. Not a bad thing. Anyways, let’s start getting into reflecting on the year and looking forward to 2022.
Expectations for 2021 in 2020 and How They Added Up
Looking back at 2020’s expectations for 2021, I would say that I definitely had some high expectations. Let’s take a look at these expectations from my previous 2020 – End of Year Reflections post.
Things I hope for: I’m able to get to at least 10 Bitcoin I’m in a position to buy a house by year-end I have one million dollars in the bank Yellowstone is successful (250k+ revenue) Autotech Keys is successful (500k+ revenue) I have clarity on Unwage and it generates revenue (100k+ revenue) Stationgeek is launched with a successful Kickstarter (250k funding) Some progress with finding a wife (I think I’ll finally be more inclined to settle down)
- I was able to get at least 10 Bitcoin but the last drop in the market really screwed me over.
- I am in a position to buy a house but I didn’t plan properly to show two years’ worth of income on my tax returns for 2019 and 2020. But I have the funds to put a decent-sized downpayment on a house.
- I DO NOT have one million dollars in the bank. I was close to it but the market tanked last minute.
- Yellowstone was successful and we were on track to do about $250k in revenue. I was able to sell it for top dollar so it was a huge win.
- I completed Autotech but never got around to marketing it and selling it.
- I did get more clarity on Unwage but it did not generate any income.
- Stationgeek was not launched.
- No progress with finding a wife but I’m definitely in a position to start seriously looking for a gf/wife. It’s one of my top things for 2022.
Overall and think I’d give the results a 6 out of 10. Selling Yellowstone for more than I expected was a huge win. Also being able to double/triple profit from selling through crypto was a win. Not as tremendous as I was hoped but still significant.
Reflections on 2021
it’s crazy to look back at the year and reflect on how much has happened. I know that as each year passes they seem to go by faster and faster, but in each year so much happens that it feels slow on the day-to-day but quick by the year. It almost seems like some of the things that did happen didn’t just happen in this year but years past.
2020 was one hell of a year, literally. It felt like all the evil came spewing out of hell itself. You could feel the sinister of it all coming out in politics and more of the ugliness of the human condition exposed. It was the year I also lost my grandma. 2021 started to calm down a bit but we were still in the Covid situation. Politics seemed to calm after “they” got rid of Trump. It’s like whoever has power REALLY wanted to do whatever it took to get rid of Trump. So much so that you could literally see an evil invisible hand showing some of its cards.
Selling Yellowstone
However, even in the midst of the chaos, God is always able to turn things that were meant for evil for good. I’m sure that is true on a global scale but I can only speak for my personal life. Despite something that could have been soul-crushing to me because of Yellowstone, I had my best year ever with it. We were able to get revenues up high enough that I was able to sell it for more than I had even expected. It wasn’t without its challenges though. I lost my main employee that was running the store around april or so. His back pain finally got bad enough that he had to get surgery for it.
Initially, I was planning to partner with him with Yellowstone by having him buy-in and run the store. That didn’t pain out since he wasn’t able to really work anymore because the surgery didn’t turn out well. It didn’t look like he would recover enough to run the store so I decided to sell the business. When he left life was really miserable. I had to be there every single day because I would have had to train up a new manager from scratch but that wasn’t an option for me.
At that point, I was fed up with the store. I couldn’t imagine being there for another year. I felt so stuck being there every single day. I had no breaks and it was sucking the life out of my soul. I couldn’t travel. I couldn’t go anywhere. It felt like a jail. Thankfully, I posted the business and was able to find the perfect buyer. I originally was going to sell it to one of my customer’s sisters, but last minute I got an even better offer from a better-suited buyer.
The sale began in July but didn’t fully close until the middle of December. It worked out because I was able to properly train the new owner and also keep all the profits up until the sale point. It was a headache dealing with the landlord to finalize the sale, but overall it ended up working out and I FINALLY got out. I’m so thankful it happened this way. I was ready to just give up the business. I was so exhausted the last six months.
Crypto
Selling Yellowstone was a blessing. I was able to finalize the bill of sale and receive full funding in July and keep profits until November. I was able to put all of it into crypto. Even though I made the mistake of selling Bitcoin during the Covid crash, I was able to get back to having more than when I sold initially. Things were going well but because I felt behind, I used some leverage to buy more crypto.
Things were looking really good. I thought it was going to be possible to have 5-10 million in crypto if things went the way I had imagined. I had a trading portfolio of over a million dollars, but the market didn’t behave as I had expected. Things took a turn pretty quickly in early November. I was bleeding out paying interest on the leverage and losing market value.
It was on December 4th, that things really went south. I was traveling from San Diego back home after dropping off my car to get painted. The market took a massive dump while I was on a bus and I thought I had literally lost everything. I got margin call notices and I couldn’t even look at my portfolio. I was dumbfounded and terrified. Everything lost in an instant. Everything I worked for building up Yellowstone and selling it, taking on debt to get into crypto, all of it. I was going to be in terrible shape.
I was even planning to cancel my trip to Florida. I was terrified and my stomach was turning. All my dreams smashed in an instant. Years wasted. Fortunately, I finally had the courage to look at my account. I didn’t lose everything. I still had something. I immediately got rid of all my margin and sold the majority of my positions. I paid off all my credit card debt and student loans. The feeling of paying off all my debt and student loans was pretty amazing.
I didn’t get my millions but I was able to pay off all my debts and still have enough to figure out what is next. I was really disappointed that things didn’t pan out. I was pretty sad about the whole deal. I was really thinking I’d have 5-10 million in the bank and be able to slow down a bit and figure out my personal life. I wanted to relax for 6-12 months before starting to work again. I hoped to have money to invest into the next big business. Finally getting a move on with my bigger dreams and goals.
It was a huge bust BUT after the initial shock of it all, I was still thankful that I was able to pay off my debt and not get crushed with crippling debt, losing everything I had worked for the past couple of years. I’ve finally come to terms with not having my expectations met. But in the process, I feel like there was a big learning lesson in it all.
Exposing the Heart and Gaining Wisdom
I remember writing a post before the crypto market took a drive that said something like, “I would probably lose a lot of faith in God if crypto fell apart on me.” In my mind, I had worked so hard for everything, and if it all went down the toilet I feel like God doesn’t love me or doesn’t care.
In retrospect, now that things actually transpired the way I hoped they wouldn’t, I realized that statement I wrote was an indictment on myself. I made money and expected outcomes an idol.
I made money and expected outcomes an idol.
I had reasoned that what I wanted was more important than God himself. That I wanted the gifts more than the giver. That if God didn’t do what I wanted Him to do, I wouldn’t believe that He’s good or that he even cares about me. Maybe God doesn’t even get involved in our lives and I’m just doing this all wrong. I was literally throwing an adult temper tantrum with an infinite, loving God.
But these things don’t surprise God nor are they something to beat ourselves over with. It’s these things that God wants to remove from our lives so that we can have a deeper more intimate relationship with him. He needs to throw us into the fire so that these impurities in our soul can be removed like dross from gold.
Job 23:10 ESV But he knows the way that I take; when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold. Proverbs 17:3 ESV The crucible is for silver, and the furnace is for gold, and the Lord tests hearts. Psalm 66:10 ESV For you, O God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried. 1 Peter 5:10 ESV And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. Psalm 66:10-12 ESV For you, O God, have tested us; you have tried us as silver is tried. You brought us into the net; you laid a crushing burden on our backs; you let men ride over our heads; we went through fire and through water; yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.
As a loving father, they discipline their kids so that they will have better lives. They learn lessons so that they are more productive and healthy citizens. Only a father that doesn’t care about his kids lets them do whatever they want.
Deuteronomy 8:5 So know in your heart that just as a man disciplines his son, so the LORD your God disciplines you. Proverbs 3:11-12 My son, do not reject the discipline of the LORD, and do not loathe His rebuke; for the LORD disciplines the one He loves, as does a father the son in whom he delights.
Serve Money or Serve God
I was having a conversation with my brother a couple of days ago. He was feeling a little down and not motivated. I was also feeling something similar. I felt betrayed by God and felt like I was right back at square zero. I remember telling my brother that I felt like I worked so hard yet my results were not worth the effort. I told him I have friends that I feel haven’t worked as hard or made the same amount of sacrifices but yet they were doing better financially.
I was also exhausted. I feel like I’ve been working so hard from 18-36. For half of my life, I feel like I’ve been playing catch up. I’ve neglected friendships, sacrificed relationships, made hard decisions, all to reach my goals. However, for 18 years I’ve had mediocre success. All I was saying for half of 2021 was “I’m exhausted. I’m just so tired that I can’t even think.” I wasn’t functioning anymore. I was merely existing.
I had another conversation with my friend and we were discussing if God actually intervenes in people’s lives. it came up because I felt like even non-believer’s were having so much more success than I was. What was I doing wrong??? Then he said something that made sense. He believes that God does intervene in Christian’s lives. He can do whatever He wants. He can even withhold something that someone really wants because it’s either going to destroy them or draw them further away from Himself. A good father wouldn’t do that so why would god?
This had me thinking. I feel like God has been working in my heart about finances. I don’t need lavish houses or ridiculous cars. I’d take a nice car but I don’t NEED it. I also feel like I’m pretty open-handed with my finances. I love giving. It brings me joy. It’s one of the few things that can bring me to tears of happiness when someone is given much-needed finances or when it’s life-changing for them. I’d gladly do it.
So why did I feel like God was almost withholding success from me? I believe the answer harks back to what I talked about prior. I had made success an idol. I wanted it so bad. Bad enough that my faith would be crushed if I didn’t get what I wanted. God had to reveal to me the deceitfulness of my own heart. Nothing can ever go before God. You can serve money or you can serve God. Not both.
Matthew 6:24 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.
Let Go and Let God
I’m not sure if I’ve fully marinated on this realization yet. It sounds simple but I also realize that I’ve dealt with this for my entire life. My prayer has been that this lesson goes deep into my soul and grows roots so deep that it’s intertwined with my being. I know it can be easy to fall back into old habits especially when things start going well.
But I’m so tired of doing this with my own strength. I can’t keep going at this pace. I feel like I’ve come to a point where I’ve joyfully given reigns to God. I’m so exhausted.
Matthew 11:28-30 28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
I saw this prayer in the Bible app on a devotional I was reading. It was exactly what I wanted. I don’t want to struggle with my own desires anymore. I want to be aligned with God, whatever that looks like. I want to live with open hands and allow Him to take the wheel. I want to be yoked to His will. I want to go on an adventure with the Lord allowing Him to lead.
So What’s Next?
I’m not quite sure. I’m enjoying this time of rest. It’s much needed. I’ve been going on trips here and there and just getting ready to find a place to live. I’m absolutely ready to move out of my mom’s place. It was a much-needed time to spend with her and get things in order for her business and mine. I feel like she’s adjusted to her new situation (single) and also becoming recently retired.
I still worry about her and my dad. My brother lives in Spain with his wife and my sister lives in Arizona with her husband. My mom will be living on her own. She’s still young enough to be able to do things on her own but I worry that she’s going to be bored. My dad is getting older and having more medical complications. It’s tough because I worry about them but I also need to live my own life.
I’m still debating if I’m going to be moving to another state to keep expenses low and find more favorable tax conditions. I thought I was going to be making a lot more money so moving to another state was a big priority for tax reasons. However, that’s not really the case now. I’m still considering it but I’m leaning towards staying in California for now. Most likely in the Yorba Linda/Placentia/Anaheim Hills areas.
I’ve been staying at my friend’s place in Orange County so that I can get a good feel for the area. So far I like it. I’m going to check out some churches in the area and see if I can find a community I like.
Work
I’ll need to find some work going forward since I don’t have enough to not work for a couple of years. Thankfully I have enough that I don’t have to rush into anything. I spent some time talking to Aeron about working on a crypto project with his tech startup. We’re going to have another conversation around mid-January.
I also landed on some ideas for business that I liked. I wrote them down in the Projects section of the blog. I’m still thinking about things and seeing where the Lord is moving. I’m going to spend more time praying and seeing what to do. I want to be where the Lord wants me to be.
I plan to approach work a bit differently. I don’t want to be stressed. I don’t want to feel like I’m doing things in my own strength. I don’t have to be wealthy. I don’t have to be anything. I want to be just where the Lord is operating. I believe that I have an affinity and desire for business, but I’m not going to put my identity in what I do. I’m going to move forward faithfully and do what I need to do on a daily basis without worrying too much about the future. I’ll trust that God is good and lead me to where He wants me to go.
Hopes for 2022
To end this post, there are certain things I hope for in 2022. It might not be what the Lord has planned for me but these are the things I’m praying for:
- Find a place to call home (state and city)
- Find a home to live in
- Find a church community to get involved with
- Find a gf/wife
- Focus on health and fitness
- Find work that I enjoy doing and that I can do for the next 5-10 years
I’ll be spending time with the Lord tomorrow and the next couple of weeks. Prayerfully taking each day at a time. I want to enjoy life. I don’t want to rush through it trying to become successful. I don’t want to delay anymore. I’ve sacrificed too much time and energy into trying to become somebody. May the Lord’s will be done!
Here’s to 2022! Cheers.