I’ve been a bit of a funk lately. I’ve been down on myself. The negative thoughts swirling in my head have been thunderous. As much as I’ve been trying, the negativity has taken me out of the game.
All the negative thoughts start play over and over again. You’re not smart enough. Your situation is never going to change. You’re so old now. You’ll never get married at this rate. You can’t even hold a job. You’re a fake. You’ll never make it. Give in.
I’ve been feeling a bit hopeless. Abandoned almost. Sometimes I wonder why God dislikes me so much that he would abandon me like this. Why does he not care? Then the mental volley shifts to, well it’s your fault. You’re not good enough. You don’t really love God. If you did, why do you still sin?
Then comparison starts kicking in. They have it so much better than I do. How come everyone else seems to be so joyful? Why is that everyone else is succeeding except me?
All this has been a bit unbearable. It wasn’t until coming back from the gym today that I was able to beat back the constant barrage of negative bullets piercing through me. I had enough of the negative chatter in my head that I began literally shouting to myself what I felt God would say about my thoughts…
STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP. I GOT YOU. I LOVE YOU. IT’S NOT ABOUT HOW GOOD YOU ARE! IT’S ABOUT HOW GOOD I AM. YOU WILL MAKE MISTAKES. I KNOW THAT. BUT I FORGIVE YOU. STOP WORRYING. I GOT YOU. I GOT YOU. I GOT YOU. I LOVE YOU. YOU’RE MY SON. I HAVE NOT FORGOTTEN YOU OR FORSAKEN YOU. TRUST IN ME.
The word’s “I got you” kept ringing in my ear. The forceful but loving phrase, “I got you” drove out the chatter in my head. It brought me back to a place of peace and trust that no matter what God’s got me. Sometimes we literally have to shout to ourselves the things we know God feels about us. He’s not here to condemn us but rather form us into the image of His son.
I’m now reading Tim Tebow’s book, “Shaken” and it’s a timely, especially chapter’s 4 and 5. Chapter 4 is called “Voices of Negativity” and Chapter 5 is called “God’s Got It.” I’m reading this after shouting to myself in my car. I tend to feel God’s speaks to me through books and in this case it’s no different. Everything I felt the past couple of days were summed up in these two chapters like a reminder that God hears me and he’s got me.