Today was another tough day. There is still residual from the news yesterday that is affecting me. I feel lost. I guess I had so much expectation that the Upenn program was a perfect fit that I already start factoring that into my plans going forward. Now that is no longer the case, I feel like I’ve lost a sense of what I should be doing/focusing on. All these doubts are creeping in now too. Can I even pull off a startup? Do I even have the experience or track record? Killing the negative inner voice is one of the most challenging things we face when we come up against an obstacle.
I didn’t get much done today. I’ve been sulking and it’s not good. Sleep was terrible and I have mosquitos bites on my legs which made it hard to sleep. I can feel the negativity creep into everything and I hate it. I know I’ll get over it and course correct, but for now, I’m still wading in the negativity and it’s not a simple just get over it feeling. There is a side of me that just wants to go home now. I know this isn’t an end of the world thing but it feels like I’ve been completely derailed and I have to find my tracks again.
I’ve been praying and spending time in the Word hoping to find solace and peace amidst the confusion. I know that life itself is fleeting but it’s hard when you feel like things hit an abrupt impasse. I know there is a lesson in all this but learning them sucks.
I’m calling it a night.